PREAMBLES
Marrying a wrong person could be fatal and a dangerous step endangering one’s life in this world and the hereafter. Imagine you are in a car on a long and tedious journey with a bad and reckless driver.
It is no gain saying that there is a right way and a wrong way to get to know someone for marriage.
The wrong way is to get caught up in the excitement of a budding relationship and completely forget to ask the critical questions that help determine compatibility.
One of the biggest mistakes that many of us especially the young people make is rushing into marriage without properly and thoroughly getting to know each other.
DO NOT MARRY POTENTIAL
It is important we don’t assume that we can change a person after marriage. There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for better, in fact without wanting to sound like a prophet of doom,it is often for the worse , please if you can’t accept someone as they are , then don’t marry them.
These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits like believing s/he is always right, enjoying unnecessary arguments, hygiene, communication skills etc.
CHOOSE CHARACTER OVER CHEMISTRY
A famous quote says, “Chemistry ignites the fire of, but character keeps it burning.“ The idea of falling in love should never be the sole reason for marrying someone; especially when we are very young and “ young” inexperience.
The most important character traits to look for include :
🖕HUMILITY
🖕KINDNESS
🖕RESPONSIBILITY
🖕HAPPINESS
Don’t let the rush of love lead you to marrying the wrong person. Hmmm! Love don’t always conquers all.
DO NOT NEGLECT THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS OF YOUR PARTNER
The fundamental emotional need of a woman is to be loved. The fundamental emotional need of a man is to be respected and appreciated. To make woman feel loved give her the three A’s
🖕ATTENTION
🖕AFFECTION
🖕APPRECIATION
To make a man feel really loved give him the Three R’s
🖕RESPECT
🖕REASSURANCE
🖕 RELIEF.
As long as each partner is fulfilled by the emotional needs of the other, the relationship will thrive.
👉 AVOIDING OPPOSING LIFE PLANS
Venerable brethren ! It is important we understand that in marriage we can either grow together or grow apart. Sharing a common purpose in life will increase the chance that you will grow together.
You must know what the person is into, what they’re ultimately passionate about. Then ask yourself, do I respect this passion?
It is important we remember, before we decide who to take along on a trip, you should first figure out your destination.
👉 AVOID PRE-MARITAL SEXUAL/ PHYSICAL ACTIVITY
It is important we recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why Allah has ordered us to refrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great harms as well as to keep sacred what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman.
When a relationship gets physical before its time, important issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside. Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them.
It is important we established intellectual commitment before emotional or sexual commitment.
👉 AVOID LACK OF EMOTIONAL CONNECTION
There are few questions that you must answer YES to:
🖕 DO I RESPECT AND ADMIRE THIS PERSON?
👉 What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?
🖕 DO I TRUST THIS PERSON?
👉 Can I rely on them?
👉 Can I be myself around this person?
How will it feel to be pretending in the presence of someone I claim to love and I want to spend rest of my life with?
🖕DO I FEEL SAFE (Physically)?
👉Do I feel emotionally safe with this person?
🖕DO I FEEL CALM AND AT PEACE WITH THIS PERSON ?
If your answer is I don’t know, I am not sure e.t.c. Please keep evaluating until you truly understand how you feel.
👉 BEWARE OF LACK OF OPENNESS IN YOUR PARTNER
Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the table for discussion from day one.
It’s very important to identify what’s bothering you and things that concern you. Then you must have an honest discussion about them.
This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship and to really evaluate how well you communicate, negotiate and work together as a team. Don’t just listen to what they say but watch for how they say it.
👉 BEWARE OF AVOIDING PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY
Many people make the mistake of thinking someone else will fulfill them and make their life better and that is their reason for getting married. Most people fail to realize that if they are unhappy as a single person, they will continue to be miserable when they are married
If you are currently not happy with your self , and you don’t like the direction your life is going now, it’s important you start working on improving those areas of your life before considering marriage. Please, don’t bring these issues into your marriage and hope your partner will fix them.
👉 WATCH OUT FOR LACK OF EMOTIONAL HEALTH IN YOUR POTENTIAL PARTNER
Many people choose partners who are not emotionally healthy or available. One huge problem is when a partner is unable to balance the emotional ties to the family members then the marriage ends up having 3 or more people in it rather than two.